


just a boy

by orphan_account



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Manu is a little hot headed in the beginning, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paranoia, Praise Kink, Swearing, Tags May Change, age gap, big decisions gotta be made, semi serious topic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 00:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8689612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Joshua is just a boy to Manuel ~ paranoia strikes and its up to Thomas to show them the light.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AdmiralEmu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdmiralEmu/gifts).



> The summary is probably gonna be changed later. Hmu with ideas for it please haha.  
> Just a warning there is an age gap in this story and deals with mature subjects. The age gap irl is nine years (Joshua is 21 and Manu is 30) 
> 
> If you are not comfortable reading please exit the page.
> 
> Also I'm tagging all my footie works as "alternate universe(s)" because, of course, none of the events stated in the fanfiction are real and is purely written as fiction

The jeers and whistles echoing around the arena sent a shiver down Joshua’s spine. It wasn’t like he was new when it came to playing against Dortmund but as a Bayern player it was hellish. The atmosphere was eerie, frightening. Immobile had gone after him many times

Pushing and shoving.

Normal behavior from footballers of course.

Bayern’s goalkeeper was not having it. No doubt Manuel was already _fuming_ after that goal and lazy defense but as soon as the final whistle blew he was already half way across the pitch, tearing his way through the crowd of Dortmunders celebrating their victory over Bayern.

Joshua exchanged an anxious glance with Thomas who was ‘tying his laces’ with a lopsided and nervous grin. A chuckle escaped Joshua’s lips. Thomas loved drama and wanted to stay in the same spot on the field to watch trouble erupt. Good old Mϋller. If he wasn’t hooting and hollering about his endless pride for his club or horses – it was listening in on some squabbling.

Joshua turned his gaze back towards Manuel in time to see him grab Ciro by the shoulder and spin him around so he was facing the gentle giant turned grizzly. A few Dortmund players took a step back from the scene, knowing that engaging with Bayern players was one thing but with Neuer it was another.

“Listen here,” Manuel hissed, prodding Ciro’s chest with his gloved finger, “If you ever, an’ I mean ever- lay a hand on Joshua ever again I’m going to make sure you regret it. Don’t touch my teammates”

Ciro raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to defend himself, slapping Manuel’s hand away from his chest drawing a gasp from the players gathering around.

Bϋrki caught sight of what was going on and paused from talking with his coach. Narrowing his eyes he jogged towards the two players and gently pushed Immobile out of the way.

“Relax, Manuel. We were all playing rough today” he assured him trying to keep his tone calm despite his suspicious expression. Manuel was usually the one breaking up fights not starting them.

Philipp intervened and nudged Manuel aside, “I’m sorry, Roman it won’t happen again”

Roman only grunted in response then turned his back on the two players.

“Careful now, you won’t want to turn your back on that one” someone shouted.

The hair on Manuel’s neck stood on end. Closing his eyes he counted to ten then turned and followed Philipp into the tunnel and back into the change rooms.

\-------

As the players made their way through the bus, most plopping down on the nearest seat heaving an exasperated sigh, Manuel sat next to Joshua in the back.

“Hey” Joshua greeted Manuel half-heartedly. Thomas poked his head over the seat with raised brows. “Relax, nothing interesting is going to happen” Joshua informed Thomas before turning back to the worried goalkeeper, “What’s up, Manu?”

Some Bayern players – Thomas – knew that Joshua fancied Manuel and couldn’t keep his hands off him during games. Whether it was celebrating a great save or hugging during the end of a match. He admired the Bayern goalie and vice captain. The admiration and pride soon turned into love and the younger one found himself drawn to Manuel. After all he did make him feel loved and safe. But Manuel couldn’t seem to take the hint. Or so Joshua thought.

“I’m sorry for freaking out like that” Manuel apologized, “I don’t know what came over me”

It was then Joshua noticed the dark circles under Manuel’s eyes, his disheveled hair, and the stubble he had once again forgotten to shave. To say Manuel was obsessed with his hygiene and looks was an understatement. The man treated himself like a God – and rightfully so.

“It’s okay” Joshua replied a little too quickly. It didn’t go unnoticed by Manuel however. Choosing not to comment he rubbed his eyes and hid his face in his hands with a deep sigh.

“Manu?” Joshua tilted his head with his lips drawn in a thin line.

“You’re just a boy, Joshua” Manuel murmured, removing his hands from his face revealing his glazed eyes and open mouth. Joshua shrunk in his seat and slid closer to the window. Embarrassed and hurt his ears were red and beads of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. His jersey clung to his back, damp and reeking of perspiration.

“Did Thomas tell you?” Joshua squeaked, ducking his head to avoid Manuel’s glance.

Thomas peered from around his seat with his mouth agape, “I would never”

“He’s right” Manuel choked out a laugh, “I just figured”

“Oh”

“Yeah”

Silence.

“Jo?” Manuel tried

“Yeah?” came a muffled response. Joshua had chosen to bury his face in his backpack with his knees drawn up to his chest. He tensed when he felt a pair of soft lips peck his cheek. When he finally lifted his head Manuel was staring down at his phone, scrolling through his feed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Joshua watch it!" Lewandowski hollered as a football whizzed by Joshua's head for the fifth time. The Polish man shook his head and muttered something to Mats who only shrugged and jogged back to the defenders leaving Lewa with the dazed boy. 

"Sorry" Joshua shrugged. His fists were clenched in his pockets and he could barely keep his eyes open during a quick warm up of keepy uppy. Dried blood was caked on his bottom lip from chewing it absentmindedly. Philipp watched from the sidelines and tore his gaze from the youngster over to Manuel who looked just as troubled. He had missed a few easy shots and was clumsy in net today.

Manuel was lucky that Bayern were training, thought Fips. If this were a real game Manuel would have been sent off by the coach and given an ear full before being sent to sit on the bench for the remainder of the match. Philipp would probably give his friend a good box around the ears for being so careless. Philip turned to Thomas who was seated on the grass, sipping tea with a mischievous grin.

"Thomas" the captain snapped his fingers, "Thomas are you with me?"

"Hmm?" Thomas choked on his tea and wiped dribble from his chin, "I'm sorry tiny captain what was that?" he replied with a bat of his lashes. Philipp rolled his eyes and nodded towards Joshua, "What's wrong with the little one? You and Manu are the closest with him on the team."

"David is too-" Thomas tried to weasel out of the situation failing to hide the anxious twitch of his cheek. Philipp pointed to Joshua, "Go speak with him and see whats going on. We don't need players half asleep on the pitch. Especially not after what happened with Dortmund"

"C'mon captain" Thomas set his cup on the bench and stretched lazily, "He's probably going through a hard time--"

"Last I checked Jo wasn't suffering a goal drought." Philipp retorted sternly. Thomas dropped his gaze and muttered something under his breath. Saluting Philipp he trotted onto the pitch and towards Joshua who was staring blankly at his cleats. 

"You didn't have to be that harsh" Carlo commented. Philipp shrugged, "It's Thomas he has a thick skin" 

Carlo just hummed in response 

\----

"Hey, Herr Kimmich!" Thomas cupped his hands round his mouth and hollered. Lewandowski slipped out of shock and smashed into Mats and Xabi causing all three of them to pile up in the middle of the pitch. David and Franck sniggered, snapchatting the incident as usual 

"Sorry!" Thomas called, not sorry at all. Bastards should be used to him shouting all the time. 

"What is it?" Joshua yawned rather obnoxiously. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and offered a weak smile.

Thomas frowned. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on with Manuel and Joshua but the players had been wrapped up in their own personal lives and fantasies they barely noticed anyone else let alone ones alarming sudden change in behavior. The Bavarian placed a gentle hand on Joshua's shoulder and led him towards the end of the pitch where it was quieter.

"Jo, how are you doing?"

"Fine why?" 

Thomas shot a look at Joshua and the younger one instantly paled. A serious Thomas was never pleasant. 

"I'm just tired that's all" Joshua stopped at the end of the pitch and leaned against the fence, "You shouldn't be worried, Mulli. I'm just - " he paused to rub the back of his neck. Thomas' lip twitched into a smirk at Joshua's flushed cheeks and wide eyes, "-embarrassed and confused. I'm twenty one! I'm an adult am I not?" 

"Of course you are!" Thomas wrapped his arm around Joshua pulling him into a side hug, "The team sees you as a little Bayern babe but we know you're an adult" 

"Ha ha, funny. I do _not_   look like a baby."   
  
"Mmm I dunno" Thomas teased, flashing a toothy grin. 

"At least I don't look forty" Joshua muttered.

"Ouch" Thomas pried away from Joshua in mock hurt, he bellowed a dramatic sob, "I'm hurt! The boy says I look like a-" he bit his fist, "A forty year old!" The Bavarian cackled and slapped Joshua on the back, "Come on now is that the best you've got? Tsk tsk" 

Folding his arms he continued with a more serious tone of voice, "You should talk to Manu, though. I don't want to see you suffer and Fips is bound to give you a good talking to if you don't smarten up and at least pretend to be okay." Thomas gently nudged Joshua's chin, "Chin up and face your fear, yeah?"

\------

"Manuel, may I talk to you?" Philipp approached the goalkeepers with a clipboard in hand. The goalkeepers scrambled to grab their belongings and wished Manuel good luck, 

"Fips is in an awful mood today" Sven warned, taking a large gulp from his water bottle, "Good luck friend" with that he and the others jogged towards the defenders. 

 Manuel forced a smile and spun on his heel to face Philipp, “Hi Fips-“

“Save it. What’s wrong with you today, sore belly?” the captain asked with a tone of voice Manuel knew all too well.

“Alright, I’m having some relationship trouble and it’s keeping me awake at night, I apologize” Manuel cut it short and didn’t bother avoiding the topic at hand. Besides, Philipp was already pissed enough having been the only one to show up on time for training. If Philipp had to literally whip the team back into shape he would damn well take it upon himself to do so, Manuel didn’t doubt it for a moment.

“Oh” Philipp couldn’t hide his surprise, “I see” he looked over his shoulder then shot a wry grin towards Manuel, “Who’s the lucky, girl?”

Out of instinct Manuel blurted, “Jo!”

“Jo?” Philipp raised a bushy eyebrow.

“-Anna- Joanna! Yeah, Joanna” Manuel spluttered. His ears burned furiously and he thought for sure that his cheeks had flushed crimson.

“Well, this Joanna is a lucky girl. You seem very” Philipp coughed, “Excited”

Manuel placed his gloves in front of his arousal and gave a curt nod, “Mmm hmm”

“You know” Philipp suggested, tapping his index finger to his chin, “I know what will make you feel better?”

“You…” Manuel hesitated and cocked his head, “-You do?”

“Sure I do! I want you to bring her to the next football match we have! Don’t be shy, I’m sure she would have a splendid time!”

“She doesn’t want to be seen with me yet!” Manuel thought of a quick and cheesy cover story. He prayed to the Football Gods that Philipp would buy it, “She is a little anxious about the media and I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable”

Philipp nodded, “I see, I see. Well that is very thoughtful of you, Manu. I am sure she will come around but be warned, hiding relationships from the press is much harder than you’d think” Philipp tapped his nose then trotted off towards the direction of the change rooms.

The whistle blew

training was over.

Manuel sighed and placed his hands on his knees, “Shit”


	3. Chapter 3

Manuel paced with his hands behind his back. His little dog padded back and forth with him. Finding a 'Joanna' was harder than Manuel had anticipated and the Bayern keeper found himself at wits end.

He paused to sit on the edge of his bed. Momo sat at his feet, cocking his head as if to ask _now what?_

The bed dipped once Manuel lay down, staring up at the ceiling helplessly. Momo leaped onto the bed with difficulty, Manuel having to grab him by the scruff to keep him from falling. Settling beside Manuel the dog whined sympathetically with an anxious wag of its tail.

"I know" Manuel murmured, stroking the dog's velvet ears, "But what am I supposed to do hmm? Its a dangerous world out there you know." 

Momo growled in agreement and poked his nose under Manuel's armpit. Rolling his eyes the goalkeeper raised his arm so Momo could curl next to him. 

"I wish I could fancy girls the way I do guys" Manuel spoke to himself. It was the only way he could keep his heart steady and calm. Panicking was not sensible. 

"Wouldn't that be nice?" 

Momo did not reply.

\--

Joshua sighed for the umpteenth time and set the controller on the table. Thomas paused the game and raised an eyebrow, "Not in the mood for video games, Herr Kimmich?" he elbowed the younger one. Joshua shook his head and placed his head in his hands.

"Don't beat yourself up" Thomas chided, "young love is scary"

"Thomas, I'm twenty one-" Joshua glanced from behind his fingers

"I remember when I was your age"

"What, six years ago?-"

"I was itching for a partner. I was new to the national team" he sighed and sunk in his seat, shutting his eyes and throwing his head back among the cushions as if he could relive the memory right then and there, "He was handsome, shy-" Thomas opened an eye and smirked at Joshua, "Older than I was"

"Thomas, I'm not in the mood for one of your girly flashbacks" Joshua snorted, slapping the Bavarian's chest. 

"C'mon, Jo" Thomas rubbed his chest, "You're too sensitive. You take after Fips I swear it" Thomas waggled his finger for good measure.

Joshua remained silent and unnerving. Doubling over Joshua's mind went directly to auto pilot. His usual snarky comments cut short by a sharp intake of breath. Stress and shame clawed viciously at his chest and he found himself consumed by an invisible beast known as fear. 

Fear contained regret, paranoia, sorrow. Joshua was never one to over think, to over act, to let something so silly bother him. Shock set in like ice as the boy realized that he was in far too deep. No where to run, no where to hide, because the only place Joshua wanted to be was in the safety of Manu's arms.

Thomas' mischievous grin had faded as quickly as Joshua's composure. With knitted brows Thomas tilted his head and observed Joshua as if he were a wild animal. He didn't dare speak, didn't dare move. The Bavarian did not wish to set off the young man. Instead he lifted himself off the couch and made his way into the kitchen, the creaking of the floorboards following behind him. 

"Best give the boy some space" he muttered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the filler chapter - am trying to break writers block


	4. Chapter 4

"So when are we gonna meet this, _Joanna_?" Xabi asked one day during training. 

Manuel had tripped over his own two feet and stumbled into Xabi, "Excuse me?" 

"You heard the man" Lewandowski added. Manuel raised an eyebrow, the Pole usually being quiet and aloof, "We're all itching to meet this special girl" 

Thomas perked his ears and shot a glance at Joshua who was tying his cleats. The younger one was unaware of the conversation having been out of earshot. Thomas cringed and jogged over to the boy, "hey, um, Jo?"

"Yeah?" Joshua didn't look up from his cleats, "What's up?"

"Wanna go on a run with me? The gossip girls are back in town" he nodded towards Manuel, Xabi, and Lewa.

Joshua raised his head and smirked, "Are you kidding? Who would wanna miss out on those drama queens- besides, last I checked you were _obsessed_ with team drama" he stood up and slapped Thomas' shoulder with a wry grin, "C'mon, let's go listen in"

Thomas grabbed Joshua by the bicep and shot him a look, "I don't think its the best idea" he warned. Joshua narrowed his eyes and ripped his arm away from Thomas and head over to the three older players. 

Thomas bit back a sigh and kicked the dirt, "Well, Mulli. You can't say you didn't warn him" 

\----

"Hey fellas!" Joshua called, "Whats up?"

Before Xabi or Robert could open their mouths to reply Manuel responded quick as a flash, "Nothing!"

"Oh so Joanna is nothing to you? Naughty" Xabi shook his head.

Joshua's chest squeezed, "Jo-Joanna?" his throat bobbed anxiously. 

"Why so anxious? Do you know this girl-" Robert began, a crowd of footballers beginning to form. Thomas shoved through the crowd of players and gently ushered Joshua away, "Don't mind them Jo- just useless gossip" 

"Who's Joanna?" Joshua raised his voice. A shocked murmur rippled throughout the Bayern players. Now it was Manuel's turn to gulp, "Sh- she's just a friend. I can explain, Joshua, I really can-"

"Explain what?" Joshua spat bitterly, "I knew you couldn't love me. You were ashamed of me" 

"Joshua that's enough!" Thomas barked. The murmuring erupted into a shocked gasp. 

"Joshua can speak for himself" someone shouted from the crowd

"Jesus Christ, you're all worse than a bunch of teenage girls!" Philipp shouted, the crowd clearing for him and the coach, "If you're all going to listen to drama instead of train you should have all auditioned for a roll in a Hollywood television show! Turn out like the Kardashians why don't you."

Thomas tensed, "Fips, Joshua and I were just leaving-" 

"Save it" Philipp snapped, "I don't want to hear it. All of you are going to be running laps until Carlo and I see that you've learned to keep your mouths shut."

The crowd grumbled and formed into a single line and began to jog around the field. Philipp had pulled Manuel and Joshua from the group, forcing Thomas to run despite his protests. 

"If you two don't settle things you're going to find yourselves in a lot of trouble" Carlo snapped, Philipp by his side, "We cannot afford to bench you two but that doesn't mean you will get off easy. Disciplinary actions will be held if you two don't smarten up is that understood?" 

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait and the ridiculously short chapter. Finding motivation for this fic has been very, very, hard as of late let alone inspiration to write in general. I hope you all understand.


End file.
